[Danielle Balocca]: Thank you both for joining me today. If you could just start our guest by introducing yourself with your name and pronouns and just a bit about who you are.
[SPEAKER_03]: Sure, my name is Judy Harrington. My pronouns are she, her, and I am a writer, author, and writing coach. And I just released my first self-published book called Fuckery, The Life and Times of a Legend in Her Own Mind. And I've been living in Medford for probably 23, 24 years now. And where I call home.
[Danielle Balocca]: Thank you. So we'll start with our first question that we ask everybody on the podcast, which is, what is your favorite place to eat in Medford and what do you like to eat there?
[SPEAKER_03]: I've been thinking about this question since I knew it was coming on the podcast. So my favorite place to grab a bite is Saybar on Main Street. I'm a big sushi fan, but they also have all sorts of great Asian fusion. So you can get your chicken curry, you can get some of your of traditional American Chinese, you know, egg rolls and potstickers and things like that. And I just I love the atmosphere there. And what I find what I found so surprising about the place when I started going there was that when you walk in, it's just like this small area, but there's a large room in the back. I call it the party room. And there's lots of great places to just like sit and have a private conversation or get together with a group of friends. And I've I'm kind of a regular there and come in, they're like, oh, you again? I'm like, yeah, me again. Here I am. But yeah, it's probably my my number one place to hit up. I've also been a big fan of the Ford that just opened up across from Wedmonds. I love to stop in there. You know, a 501 cocktail, midweek sometimes, meet friends there. And there's always great food and wonderful service. It's just a great kind of neighborhood place. I'm glad we have something like that to add to the tapestry of restaurants we have here in the city.
[Danielle Balocca]: owned by an Irish person, and we'll hear a little bit more about that theme in your life as well, hopefully.
[SPEAKER_03]: Yes, yes, that is an ongoing theme, that's for sure.
[Danielle Balocca]: So, yeah, you mentioned your book, which I did get a chance to read ahead of the podcast that the library, the Medford Public Library, does have your book. But if you could tell us a little bit about it or like how you kind of what's your kind of elevator speech about the book?
[SPEAKER_03]: Sure. I say that this is a collection of family stories celebrating my family's longstanding tradition of putting the fun in dysfunctional. And, you know, sometimes I just say enough of that. People are like, oh, yeah. family family stories. But I think the overarching theme that I like people to walk away with is that sometimes you think your family is the craziest group in town. And I'm here to tell you that I'm hold hold my beer. I have some pretty wild and crazy stories myself, but it's not a competition. But it's also, as I say in the book, normal is a setting on a dryer. There are no normal families. And for me, I choose to look at a lot of wild and crazy dysfunction that I grew up in growing up. But I've kind of come to a place in my life where I said I'd rather look at that through the lens of love and joy and see the humor in it than marinate in the pain of it. And so I invite readers to do the same. You know, sometimes my therapist thinks it's a terrible coping mechanism, but then again, he's no longer my therapist. I look at it that way, like it works for me. I kind of invite people to do the same. If there's a message to walk away from, this would be the overarching message that I would give back.
[Chelli Keshavan]: I love that. Um, for folks listening and who are interested in writing and by that I mean me, one of the curiosities, um, is around how you decided to write a book. You know, what, you know, how did you, how did this book come to fruition? And maybe a little bit about how you made choices around censorship and what you felt comfortable sharing, what felt super private, like maybe if you could speak to some of that grappling.
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, it's funny. Once you write a book about your family, you can't really necessarily play the part of they have private life. But but in terms of how these stories came together, they really started as kind of cocktail and coffee conversation with my mom. Mafia tribe, as I call them. Yes. You know, you're meeting together and you're in the trenches of motherhood and would you hear what my kids said today type of thing. And, you know, for me, the piece de resistance in this book is the story called My Jewish Kid. And it revolves around my older daughter who's in kindergarten embraced Hanukkah in a way that we never expected, given that we're Irish Catholics and her dad is an Irish immigrant. And our moms are Catholic Mother Hall of Famers. To have a kid who suddenly decided she wanted a menorah and expected Santa to bring it to me was like, wow, that's really unusual. So I started writing that story down because I wanted to keep it for her and her sister. Nice. has her own story too. Every kid has a signature story. I think we all do. Yeah, I certainly do in the book as well. But she had her whole childhood with imaginary friends and I, so delightful. And it allowed me to kind of revisit childhood through her eyes in that way. So I wanted to, mostly I wanted to catalog these stories to give to them. And as time went on, and I've been a writer by trade for a very long time, my English degree, Well, I'm a communications degree from Emerson College, and writing's always been a creative outlet for me. So in those moments I was stealing away in between karate drop-offs and basketball games, I was finding time to catalog these stories. And it reminded me of stories of my own childhood, where I knew I had this whole body of work. And for a while, I shared it on my blog. It was largely a secret blog. I used to joke that I would come on the blog and say, greetings, all four of you. Thanks for coming in for the next segment on Trudy's Crazy Wife. And then I took that down for a while. I think there's a lot of, you know, imposter syndrome that goes on with writers. I think this is a human experience. But I couldn't really hear these stories, right? And, you know, I just kind of kept running and kept writing. What happened actually was in the pandemic, my husband and I separated. And a lot of things were going, you know, topsy-turvy for us, pandemic aside, family dynamic issues mostly. But there were other, I just got to this point where I said, I really think it's time to bring these stories to life in the form of a book. Sure. And I've been a digital networker my whole life. I reached out to a friend of mine who just published a book. And I said, well, Christina, how did you get your book done? Like, I have this book. I just don't know how to get it into a book form. I'm not necessarily looking to go to a publisher and go with a traditional route. I think that self-publishing is so Right for me. Yeah. Oh, you just need to talk to get it done. I said, Oh, I know I need to get it. No, that's the name of the company is called get it done. And so I reached out to them shared my manuscript and with the caveat that Maybe these stories are funny to me and five other people. Maybe they're a block. I don't know. Seems like you guys are the experts. So let me know what you think. And probably 10 days later, I met with the co-founders, Lindsay Smith and Alexander Franzen. And they said, no way could this be a book. This has to be a book. laughing the whole time. Am I? Oh, no, I know it's it's it's funny stuff. I know it's worth getting out in the world because these people didn't know me from Adam's house cat until I showed them this manuscript. So I signed on to work with them for a year in a coaching program where they took me from I did.
[Unidentified]: OK.
[SPEAKER_03]: book came to life went to presale late September of this year and started shipping in late October.
[Chelli Keshavan]: Amazing.
[SPEAKER_03]: And it's kind of taken on a life of its own. I'm also fortunate in that, um, I'm a copywriter by trade. I write for, for small to mid-sized businesses, blogs, newsletters, website copy. And so I knew the power of marketing. And I, from the beginning, once I decided to work with Alex and Lindsay to bring the book to life, I started a newsletter out to my libraries, letting them know Hey, guess what I decided to do? And it's been kind of down to a little grassroots marketing and get the message out that way and on social. Sure. And following. So it just it took on a life of its own that way. And I think the last time I checked, we're edging on a thousand copies sold.
[Chelli Keshavan]: I mean, that's super exciting. That's a huge benchmark.
[SPEAKER_03]: How can people find your book? So you can go to my author website, judyherrington.com, and there will be links there to buy the book through Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and bookshop.org. And if I can influence listeners I would like to also encourage them to they're going to make a choice to choose to purchase the bookshop, because that is a way to support your local independent bookstores you can choose a bookstore to support in order through them and they get some money in turn, and that's why. But I like to keep the independent books for community alive and well. Amazon has its place and purpose, but it's not the only way to get book.
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
[Danielle Balocca]: Yeah, I was struck by like hearing sort of the way that you've used your own like experience growing up and your own parents and sort of I think the ways that we maybe were taught not to talk about those family experiences, right, like influenced maybe how we became parents or what we thought about as parents. And so it's I think it's really interesting the way that you use both that and these like really endearing stories of your own kids like that. I think about the the chapter where you talk about your daughter's imaginary friends. And like, it's so sweet. And like, it's just like, I don't know, it's just like a really it's I think there's different ways that parents could approach, like understanding what's going on for their kids in those moments and just really like embracing that her imagination in that way was just really sweet. And I mean, me.
[SPEAKER_03]: I was raised by an alcoholic madman and a woman who had a PhD revisionist history. I mean, my parents. were wonderful people in many ways that they certainly had their demons. And I was somehow given the gift of being able to see both and accept and come to a place of both and that you can have both of those things and still love your parent. But there's still so many things that my parents gave me as gifts. And for my dad, it was the ability to call BS and things I didn't think were right in the world. And my mother was really someone who really embraced imagination and someone who really encouraged me and my brother to think for ourselves and also just to be creative. Those are the pieces I think I took from them and really come close to my heart. And then when I saw it being imbued in my child, I'm like, what do you mean you have an imaginary brother? Like, what a great solution to the fact that I'm not going to have any more kids. If you want a brother, I'm telling you no. But okay, well, then we'll just make one up. Okay, sure. His name's Joey from Africa. Not Joe, Joey from Africa. Full name. That's his stage name. And, you know, I was like, okay, well, this is what we're doing now. What I'm going to tell you, no, you can't have a imaginary friend. Like the same way I said, what I'm going to say, no, you can't have a menorah for Christmas. Like that to me, it just felt like so limiting. But it's interesting that I love that you look at it.
[Unidentified]: Yeah, there was another anecdote.
[SPEAKER_03]: Oh, sorry. Go ahead. No, no, go ahead.
[Danielle Balocca]: There was another anecdote. I just feel like so many of your stories I really related to as a parent and like sort of being in a community of other parents where we try to sort of hold each other's learning and like maybe mistakes or growth areas as parents and. And it's I think that really speaks to my experience, like as a parent in Medford and other like how I've experienced other parents in Medford is like really supporting each other and exploring like, oh, my kid did this thing and I don't really know what to make of it. And I feel a little bit embarrassed of it. But there was the one about your daughter's fake birthday. So telling her that her birthday was sooner is to help her transition to a new preschool, which was ultimately a logistical like convenience for you as well. And like, I don't know, there's something so relatable, like how do I convince my kid to do what's best for them, but also best for me and not have shame about that?
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, because I was like, I can't sustain this anymore. I couldn't drop a kid at one school and then double back. I was literally commuting an hour every day to work out of my house. And I also saw that You know, the preschool environment she was in at the moment, they were having their own growing pains and it just wasn't working for her anymore. And this is my second daughter, her struggle. But that's the gift of being the second child is that your parent has learned from the first. And I saw in my older daughter, they're going from this same kind of very intimate, insular, very small preschool, going into a big race. That transition was very hard for her. And I wanted my younger one to have a better foundation and be able to manage that transition in a more smooth way. So I found like a medium-sized daycare. And then when I knew like a crazy person and basically bad and almost put the fear of God into them in some way, like I think my pure desperation was what they really, really spoke to them. I'm like, I really need a spot. And they were like, OK, we have one. I'm like, OK, I'll take it. Yeah, like, and then we'll figure out the rest later. But the best part of that whole story to me is when my little one said, I'll come here when I'm four. She was so clever to think of, like, I have a way to negotiate. I have leverage. And to me, that was it just took me aback for a second. But then I'm like, OK, well, aren't you lucky your birthday's on Friday? Like the words were out of my mouth before I even knew what I had said. And she's like, it is.
[SPEAKER_02]: And I thought it's that age.
[SPEAKER_03]: I actually don't know really when their birthday is, but tell them. So it was like this plausible deniability thing, which I kind of grew from. I was a paralegal in a formal life, so I kind of drew that in. And it was this whole insanity ensued. And then as I'm telling people that this is what's happening, everyone was just so shocked. that, yeah, okay, yeah, all right. What? And the funniest part of that story is that I kind of forgot to tell about this fake birthday for almost 10 years. And what do you mean I have a fake birthday? I'm like, oh, why? Like all the parents do mean it, fake birthday. But yeah, it still makes me laugh every time I think about it.
[Danielle Balocca]: You mentioned like there's a couple of themes in the book that like I do feel like relate to kind of our theme as a podcast where you talk about your daughter being raised, you know, Irish Catholic and and kind of embracing Judaism. You talked about another point like the. your daughter exploring like her own sexuality and gender. And so I wonder like how that like in particularly like in Medford, like how that felt, how you sort of think about that sort of inclusive element as a parent and how you've experienced that with your kids growing up here.
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, I feel like, well, I'd rather apologize than ask permission, generally, as a human being, that's who I am, which I'm sure right now comes as no surprise to anyone, but I'd still, like, I could tell them, okay, this is happening now, and they're like, okay. her name now and some people not to say everybody know my questions like well what do you mean that she now uses the name Ruben or what do you mean that they're changing pronouns right and I'm like well this is how she feels comfortable they feel comfortable in the world and to me I don't care what you call yourself I mean, I've changed my name and I'm still who I am. Changing your name doesn't mean that you've become a different person. It's just a way for you to feel more comfortable in your own skin, I guess. But I did find that my community was very accepting of it. But I also believe I made it clear like this actually isn't up for a real debate. And because I thought it was my job as her mom, as their mom, to be an advocate in that way and to be an ally in that way. And not in this popular sense of like wearing a sticker or just saying like, to me, this was really an act of walking the walk and talking the talk. But my older daughter, Ruben. now has returned to she her pronouns. And so that's been like, oh, OK, well, that's what we do now. Right. And my younger one has changed her name from Zoe to Ivy, which you may have picked up in the introduction and the dedication to the book. And her pronouns are she her. But if you say them, she's fine with that, too. So I just say, OK, well, this is how you navigate the world and this is how you feel good in it. Then That's how I show my love. That's really nice.
[Danielle Balocca]: Yeah. There was a chapter where I think it was called part time lesbian or something like where it was like, yeah, where it was clear that, you know, you're kind of in the present with them in that way of like, OK, this is where you're at today and being able to sort of be flexible with that and sort of meet them where they're at in that exploration.
[SPEAKER_03]: But but also in in their dad's defense, you know, it was he was not at all critical or he didn't treat it as other way. He was feeling this. emotion too of like, but wait a minute. It's I thought it was this. And I'm like, I know I did too. And guess what? They did too. And but our job is to love them no matter who they love, what they want to call themselves, what they want to use, where they want to work. Long as no one's getting hurt, then we love them as they are, as they show up in the world. And but his word choice was.
[SPEAKER_02]: No, she was a full time lesbian, my profession, and she's not an alien.
[SPEAKER_03]: Right. You know, and it's funny because when I elected to include that story in the book, I was nervous that I would offend people. And but then, you know, I sat with it for a while and I said, you know what? At the end of the day, I really love my my kids as they are. And I think that that is the overarching message here. I'm trying to see humor in the word choice. It wasn't done in a derogatory way. It was done really from a place of curiosity and caring and wanting to you know, be supportive. So I'm glad that it has been heard that way, because it would be very hurtful to me to know that it hadn't.
[Danielle Balocca]: Yeah, no, to be honest, I was a little nervous when I saw the title of the chapter, but as I read it, I think it is a really good sort of illustration of how we might not say the right thing in the moment, but that doesn't necessarily reflect how we're feeling or how we're trying to understand something.
[SPEAKER_03]: Like in the moment, such a snapshot, right? It doesn't like when you take a picture, it's literally a snapshot in time. And sometimes our words are just a snapshot of our thoughts in the moment. But then, you know, the thought develops and takes a different form, a different shape. And that was really what I wanted to convey. So I'm glad that that story landed as I had intended. Thank you. That means a lot.
[Unidentified]: Thank you.
[Danielle Balocca]: I know you also want to mention an event you're having at the library coming up.
[SPEAKER_03]: Yes. Yes. So I will. One of the big requests after writing the book, people who've known me for a long time have heard me say these stories like when's the audio audio book coming? I'm like, well, that's to be determined. But in the meantime, what I can offer are author readings and I'll be giving one at the Metro Public Library on January 26th at 7pm and if you go to the library's website they have you know details there. I think there's a registration link I'm not sure to be perfectly honest but those are the details that's where we'll be. And as I understand it at the moment, I still need to confirm these details, Porter Square Books will be their preferred vendor, so there'll be an opportunity to purchase books at the event as well. But I'll be reading a couple of the stories, and I usually like to find one that speaks to a theme because there's this a moment in the story, The World's Most Approachable Woman, where I talk about my life and how my parents created that imprinting moment of keeping libraries as a part of my essence. So libraries play a big part in my life. I feel like that's a great story to read. I'll read at least one, possibly two stories, and then I'll be there to sign for a short Q&A. which is an ongoing joke. My copywriting brand is Judy411. And that harkens to the days of your when you called 411 for information. And I, again, as the world's most approachable woman, I answer questions daily from total and utter strangers or people who know and love me dearly. All sorts of topics, all sorts. all sorts of things, and I always seem to have the answer. So that was the genesis of the Judy Fallon brand. But so there'll be a Q&A, but it won't be very long and I won't be giving anyone directions to 93.
[Danielle Balocca]: That was a funny, definitely a funny part of the book. And what was striking to me was when you mentioned that neither of your parents drove and that your mom takes or did take the train or public transportation from Fall River to Medford three days a week, you said. That is. Yeah. And sometimes dressed as the cat in the hat.
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, she did. Wow. Like, for real. That was her claim to fame. Really was, I always say. She never met a form of public transportation. She didn't like, and she made it her world, her life's mission to master them all.
[Unidentified]: Wow.
[SPEAKER_03]: She really did. But yeah, I, but yeah, it was true. My, neither of my parents drew, but they never had a driver's license. Um, so we had a very alternative existence. I think we were making a positive impact on our carbon footprint before it was cool. We were also going to the farmer's market before it was cool. That was another thing. My mom. imbued with local produce and going to those types of events and being in your community in that way, definitely another imprinting thing that has stuck with me. And I think that's what I really love about this community and living here is that there's so many opportunities here that harken back to how I grew up. The libraries, big part of it on farmers markets being a method family network having a community and a tribe. You know, Marie Cassidy is a pure genius and creating that kind of community and sustaining it. So I just feel like this is, I feel so lucky that I found this, I found Medford as my home. I really do. And when we originally moved here in 99, the husband's been working for CJ Doherty Construction for pretty much his entire career. And we were living in Brighton at the time. So his commute from Brighton to Medford in a diesel truck was a task, let us say, because it was enough of a struggle. I said, well, I'm not tethered to this neighborhood. I work in downtown Boston. I was working at Fidelity at the time. So why don't we just find something closer? And for a long time, Medford was just where we hung our hats and slept at night. And we were a little latecomer. We were latecomers to the parenting game. We were married five or six years before we had our kids. The great surprise to me was that we had something like the Metra Family Network. I'm like, there's a there's a place where other parents hang out. I remember walking to the grocery store with my infant coach. Where are the parents? Like, I need connection. Like, I'm an extrovert. I need to to be in community with people. So to have something like that was so amazing. And everything that I take part in here, I'm kind of grew from that.
[Danielle Balocca]: Yeah, Marie was on the podcast a little while ago and talked about how that is a place that she likes to recruit people for the family network is in the aisles of the grocery store.
[SPEAKER_02]: And so for now, there's nothing. Well, you're right. All the show shocked parents by what's happened. Yeah. Yeah.
[SPEAKER_03]: I just saw her the other day when she picked up a couple of copies of the book. So I stepped in.
[Unidentified]: Oh, yeah.
[SPEAKER_03]: We made sure they were paper bags. So little kids didn't see the name.
[Unidentified]: Yeah, true.
[Danielle Balocca]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_03]: All right.
[Danielle Balocca]: Is there anything else that you want to mention while we have you here, Judy?
[SPEAKER_03]: Well, no, I think that's really I really just wanted to have an opportunity to, you know, talk to the community about the book. If people haven't heard about it, I'd love them to pick up a copy. Come listen on the 26th of January and really, you know, embrace human fuckery. We haven't. We all have these insane moments in life and really just take a look at them and try to see the humor. And it may not be funny immediately, but it will eventually be funny.
[Danielle Balocca]: Yeah. I hope I didn't give too much away in my reflections on your book. But if anything sounded funny or interesting, which it really was, check out Judy's book. It's great.
[Chelli Keshavan]: Yeah. Yeah, I know. Now I can't wait to read it.
[SPEAKER_03]: It's so great to spend time with you. Likewise. All right. Thank you again. Thank you. Guys, what's the name of the podcast? Never Bites!